Focus

I was on hold the other day waiting to make an appointment and as I was flipping through the calendar I noticed a word that kept coming up over and over again. I learned about key words in my inductive bible study a few years back and I know from experience to stop and take notice of words that repeat.  As I looked over the next few months I saw these important notes on my calendar: last doctor appointment, last dentist appointment, last day of school, last day of gymnastics, last gymnastics camp, last Mops meeting, last day at church, last day as youth director, last VBS, last bible study, last day at work, last day in Augusta, last day in the US. There it was, a very important word for me right now, last. My heart began to sink as I sat on hold seeing all the “last” things that were creeping up. Some were harder to swallow then others, some of these things have been in my life for the last 6 years and have been my support system through a lot of joy and heart ache. As the word threatened to throw me into a pit of darkness a still small voice said one simple sentence that brought me back to reality “focus on the firsts”. For me, right now, those are harder to see because there is no set date nor guarantee for many of the firsts God is calling me to focus on. Yes I have a date for the 1^st day in South Africa but past that all the things I am to focus on require faith. I am looking to a day in the future where I will see our 1^st student walk through the doors, the 1^st child to accept Christ, 1^st family to be transformed, 1^st student to excel in their studies, 1^st to graduate from high school, 1^st thank you, 1^st full stomach, 1^st outreach team to come spend time with these kids, 1^st south African national to join our team, 1^st gang member to change their life.

These are what I am to focus on. Not all the things that I am giving up, or the people I am leaving. But the amazing things God is going to do through us. The lives that will be changed forever.

It’s been an interesting week, seeing what changing my focus from last to first can do. Moving my mindset from being self-focused back to being God-focused. I think we can do this in any area of our lives. Instead of focusing on the things we have lost, or the trials and struggles focus on God and what He has for us. I wonder if we took ourselves out of the equation and truly made God the center of our lives how differently we would live. Not just on Sunday mornings or with what we say but to truly look inside our hearts and seek out the areas where we are selfish and ask God for His agenda, His perspective and learn to walk it out. I have been guilty of this lately, I have allowed myself to focus on the things I will miss, the things I am giving up. While it hasn’t changed my mind about going it has changed my mindset and my ability to trust God with all the details. This week as I shift my focus I am once again seeing how He is working out the details. It doesn’t mean moving to Africa is an easy walk in the park but it gives me the faith to keep walking forward even when I can’t see the path before me. The truth is, as much as I sometimes think otherwise, my life isn’t really about me. There is so much more to this life then what I want, what I think I need.

So now I will once again focus on God, on all the 1^st that are to come and the 2nds and 3rds to follow. I am shifting my mindset away from being all about me and remembering it’s really all about Him. I am walking in His shadow and striving to show Jesus’s love in everything I do.  I will keep moving forward in faith even when the path is hard and I can’t see what’s in front of me. Because at the end of the day, when everything is said and done I’d rather be walking a hard path with God then following an easy road without Him.