general parents often wonder if they are
doing a good job raising their children. I know I think about it, I wonder a
lot about how decisions I make will shape my children. Moving to South Africa
came with lots of sacrifice for all three of my kids, on different levels for
each one, and each one has been handling the changes and loss in different ways.
My daughter has had many tears for her loss of cousins, family, friends and
toys. My youngest is still very young and it is hard to see what he is
thinking/ feeling but we have seen him a lot more attached to us and needing a
lot more reassurance about new situations. But this blog entry is actually
about my oldest.
 |
| Kaleb with his new best friend |
Kaleb our oldest turned 7 just over 1 week after we landed in South
Africa. For those of you who do not know him well he is a lot like me. Kaleb is
very sweet and cannot stand injustice, he does well with routine and is not a
fan of change. He is very particular about just about everything, he is
introverted and though he is slow to get to know, once he is your friend he
will be a loyal and loving friend forever.
He was the one we worried about the most with the big move.
We talked a lot about moving and what life could be like. We helped him say
goodbye to friends and family and even worked through what toys were most
important and made sure they came with us. Because he processes feelings and
emotions mostly in his head we have worked really hard to help him process as
best we can. While overall he seems to be doing really well it is always hard
to tell and I have often wondered if he is really doing as well as it seems.
 |
| Youth Christmas Party (my kids are top right) |
Last week we raised close to $700 and were able to buy 70
gifts (2 gifts per child) and 58 bibles for the students we are working with in
the Cape Flats. As I brought boxes of toys, dolls, Legos, stuffed animals,
chocolate, soccer balls, clothing and other items into the house I was really
worried about how my kids would respond. One of the big things each of my
children sacrificed to move to South Africa was toys. They said goodbye to most
of their toys being able to only bring a few. So here I was bringing lots of
things they would love to have and none of it was for them. At first they were
confused and sad that none of it was for them but then when we explained it was
for the kids we have been working with, that they were not going to get
presents for Christmas, the older two jumped in and helped me wrap the gifts.
 |
| Bekah showing off the tree at the youth party |
Kaleb even informed his Sunday school teacher about how we got gifts for kids
who didn’t have any and how he helped. They were excited and even proud to be
helping other kids. We have always done the OCC shoeboxes with them and bought
gifts for kids at the pregnancy center and let them be involved but this year
was different. They don’t have a lot themselves but it was really neat that
they knew the kids who were getting them and got to be a part of the Christmas
party. In some ways even as an adult, when we feel like we are lacking
something it is hard to give to others exactly what we feel we lack or a gift
we wish we could have. It’s a lot easier to give when you have a lot or know
you will get a lot or have an understanding of what really is a need vs a want. If I put myself in their situation even
though for many it might seem silly here is what it would look like. If I am being
honest something I really want is a
dishwasher, now I am an adult so I do process things differently, but what if
Eddie brought home a brand new dishwasher, exactly the one I want and when I got
excited about it he told me that it wasn’t for me. Ok its way easier to say you
would be thrilled for the person getting it but deep down, even though I know
they have a huge need, I would feel a little sad for me. That may make me sound
horrible but its honest. I would be excited for them and it would bless them
but I would also have to process the sadness I felt. So how much harder must
that have been for my children who don’t have the same ability to process as I do.
I am very proud of my children and the way they responded.
But the Christmas Party for the youth is not where the big
question of how we are raising Kaleb was answered. This past weekend Eddie and I were told that
there was a student in the bible school he is doing from Gahna who’s school
fees are covered but he has no extra money for the break. Everyone else is
leaving on holiday, many are even going home to be with family but this Northern
African will be completely alone living on the YWAM property with no money for
food. The YWAM base completely closes down and he will be all alone. For Eddie
and I it was a no brainer, invite him to come stay with us for the break. We didn’t
even have to discuss it, we both knew right away it was the right thing. But our
sweet 7 year old just got his own room for the 1st time in his life
in Oct. We had already asked him to give up so much, how was he going to feel
about giving up his room for 3 weeks? Here is how the conversation went:
 |
| Kalebs room |
Us “Kaleb, there is a man at daddys work who doesn’t have
anywhere to go for Christmas. He is very far away from his home and doesn’t know
anyone here. How would you feel if we invited him to come stay with us for 3
weeks? He would stay in your room and you would stay in the room with your
brother and sister.”
Kaleb “hum, he has no family? No one to spend Christmas
with?”
Us “nope his family is far away so he would be spending
Christmas alone”
Kaleb “Ok he can stay in my room. No one should be alone for
Christmas, we can be his family. Will he get any Christmas presents?”
Us “probably not”
Kaleb “Can we buy him a Christmas present?”
Us “sure you can go with me and pick him out a present”
Kaleb “ok but I want to give it to him, everyone needs a
gift on Christmas”
 |
| Kaleb and his Oupa |
So there it is, my sweet boy is willing to not only give up his room and his bed for a stranger but he also realizes the importance of family, wants to include him in our family and wants to bless him with a gift. He was even willing to share one of his gifts with him. My heart is full and I know while we do not always get this parenting thing right we are raising a child who sees the value in others and is willing to sacrifice his own comfort to show love to someone else.
So this Christmas will look a little different than the ones in the past. We will have an extra family member around our table. It will be the kids 1st hot Christmas, the 1st Christmas in our new community and with our new friends. I doubt we will have a traditional Christmas meal but our hearts will be filled with love and laughter. My kids are learning lessons of love, hope and giving. And learning to share Christ in all they do, not just in the words they say but in the way they live their lives.
 |
| Fun at signal hill |
